Building Emotional Resilience

Building emotional resilience through therapy, inspired by nature’s balance.

Resilience has been a buzzword for some time, but what does it actually mean and how can we build it? 

When considering resilience, a sense of fortitude in the face of difficulty comes to mind. The ability to manage stressful events, to adapt when there is change around us, or to be able to endure the destabilising aspects of transformations without them knocking us down are all components of resilience. Indeed, the Cambridge dictionary refers to the ability to bounce back and retain shape after being bent. Like a rubber band's ability to spring back once stretched, when it comes to handling stress or adapting to transformations this means our core psychological and physiological wellbeing isn’t deformed in the process, and we are able to keep functioning. 

The world is constantly moving, advancing technologies change the way we travel, work and connect, there are global recessions, lost jobs, gained jobs, new hobbies, passions and inspirations, new environments and homes, new friends, partners and colleagues, new powers, ideologies and causes, the list goes on. Whilst there is a huge amount of upheaval that can be challenging to navigate, there are also plenty of opportunities to evolve and grow, if we have the right toolkit.

Emotional resilience means being able to navigate these changes without being completely psychologically overwhelmed by them. It doesn’t mean difficult emotions won’t come up, as these contribute to the full human experience and also serve a function in supporting us to handle change effectively. For example, experiencing sadness in the face of grieving can help us to process loss. Whilst a niggling anxiety when we haven’t done something we need to do can help motivate us to complete that task, anger can help us protect ourselves or fight for our rights. But it means not being entirely consumed by them to the extent that we can’t meet our other needs and we psychologically shut down, entering a fight or flight state that inhibits us from thinking clearly. 

From a humanistic perspective, resilience means having a solid basis for good mental health, which is achieved by having one’s core psychological needs met. 

When we think of a sunflower, it is able to grow when the right conditions are met; when it has enough nourishment from the soil, enough sun, space, hydration etc. In these conditions it can thrive. Let’s consider this idea that a human, like all living organisms, has a set of needs, both physical and psychological. When they’re met, we thrive and blossom, and if they’re not we wilt, becoming mentally or physically sick. 

Professor Scott Barry Kaufman’s adaptation of Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, outlined in his book Transcend, describes a useful sailboat metaphor likening the meeting of our core emotional needs to having this sturdy vessel through which we can navigate life’s turbulent waters. 

Scott Barry Kaufman's emotional needs sailboat - how core needs support resilience

So, what are these needs? Whilst there are various adaptations of these needs - many of which are very similar, from Self-Determination Theory to Maslow’s hierarchy (not actually intended to be a hierarchy), to Kaufman’s adaptation, I think the most helpful version of them is Joe Griffin’s theory of needs developed in his Human Givens school of thought. This theory is comprised of 9 core emotional needs :-

Security

Feeling physically and psychologically safe in one’s environment. Feeling financially secure and physically secure for example. 

Status 

This is one of our social needs, and can impact our sense of self whereby we need to feel people have respect for us. 

Privacy 

We have a need for privacy whereby we have time to reflect on our lives, think our own thoughts, to relax and to have a sense of who we are. 

Attention

This is another social need whereby we need to exchange attention with others - to give and receive.

Achievement

We need to feel like we’re achieving something with our lives. This taps into our inherent mechanisms for learning and growth and contributes to our self-esteem. 

Community

To feel we’re part of a large group of people with whom we share some common values. This could be a friendship group, people at work, clubs or other groups of people that we’re part of.

Intimacy 

One or a small number of people with whom we can share our intimate lives and with whom we can be ourselves. 

Meaning and Purpose

To feel connected to something bigger than the self. This might be through learning, awe inspiring experiences, caring for others ie volunteering, having spiritual or religious beliefs or dedicating ourselves towards a cause.

Autonomy

We need to feel like we have control over the important decisions in our lives. 

Emotional Resilience in Therapy

We will be in a far better position to overcome challenges and pick ourselves up from perceived failures or setbacks when those core needs are being met, thus our sense of emotional resilience and our ability to handle stressful events will entail tools for getting those needs met in balance. Learning to thrive may also very likely require further tools for managing psychological stress, such as learning how to handle setbacks without letting them define us. An integrative approach in therapy means drawing on a variety of methods and approaches to build the best toolkit for each individual.

Examples of further useful tools may include:

Mindfulness based tools 

To enable relaxation, and focusing the attention, as well as connecting with one’s observing self or centre of awareness allows us to calmly observe the rollercoaster of emotional responses, thoughts and behaviours as occurring separate from oneself and have a say over whether they dictate our lives. 

Visual and imagination-based tools 

To support us to harness the imagination and put it to good use such as problem solving as opposed to negative use like unhelpful rumination.

Cognitive tools 

To help us to use reason and rationale to consider the full spectrum of possibilities and question our assumptions as opposed to being overwhelmed by emotional or negative biases. Strong emotions and experiences shape thoughts and being able to identify these will give us the skills to free up our thinking and consider new perspectives.

Relaxation tools

Tools to allow us to calm our nervous systems and access our most intelligent selves. This is the state in which we have access to most of our brains - insert link.

Self-compassion tools

Tools that enable us to cultivate a caring and loving relationship with the whole self as it is, strengths, idiosyncrasies and all, especially in the face of hardship. To take on and lean into difficult emotions or physical challenges with curiosity instead of shying away from them or numbing them, and thus to handle setbacks in a gentle constructive way without turning against the self.  

Building Emotional Resilience with Therapy in Berlin

Develop the psychological toolkit to thrive. Learning to work with, as opposed to against tough emotions, question your assumptions and biases, cultivate curiosity, reframe stressors and respond confidently and calmly can be a deeply nurturing process, as well as give you the tools for success. Furthermore, building emotional resilience can actually help you develop more empathy and deepen the relationship you have with yourself and those around you. 

If you are curious about mastering your own unique sailboat so you can ride life’s challenges confidently and authentically, feel free to contact me to arrange an introductory therapy session, and we can embark on this journey together.

Living in Berlin as an expat can bring unique challenges that test your resilience. If you are experiencing mental health struggles be it anything from trauma to stress or burnout to anxiety or depression, therapy in Berlin can give you the tools and insights to overcome any obstacles holding you back.

Get in Touch

FAQ

Q: How can therapy in Berlin help me build emotional resilience? A: Working with an English-speaking therapist in Berlin can give you tools to handle stress, anxiety, and change more effectively. Therapy sessions help you strengthen resilience and develop coping strategies tailored to your life in Berlin.

Q: I’m an expat in Berlin. Can therapy support me with resilience and adjustment? A: Yes. Many expats find that therapy in Berlin helps them adapt to new environments, manage cultural stress, and build emotional resilience while living abroad.

Q: What types of therapy are effective for anxiety and resilience? A: Solution-focused therapy, humanistic therapy, and self-compassion approaches can all strengthen resilience. An English-speaking therapist in Berlin can guide you through tailored techniques.

Q: Can postpartum depression therapy in Berlin include resilience training? A: Absolutely. Postpartum depression is a strong example of emotional needs thrown up in the air. Whilst it can feel overwhelming and scary, therapy helps you adapt to these huge changes, building resilience, restoring balance, and reconnecting with yourself during this challenging period.

Q: How does self-compassion therapy build resilience? A: Therapy in Berlin that centres self-compassion can support you to approach setbacks with kindness instead of harsh self-criticism and foster a stronger, more loving relationship with yourself, where you have your own back. This mindset is key to emotional resilience and long-term mental health.

References and further reading

• Kaufman, S. B. (2021). Transcend: The new science of self-actualization. Penguin.

• Griffin, J., & Tyrrell, I. (2004). Human givens: A new approach to emotional health and clear thinking. HG Publishing.Tajfel, H., & Turner, J. C. (1986). The social identity theory of intergroup behavior. In S. Worchel & W. G. Austin (Eds.), Psychology of intergroup relations (pp. 7–24). Nelson-Hall.

• Neff, K. D. (2023). Self-compassion: Theory, method, research, and intervention. Annual Review of Psychology, 74, 193–218. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-032420-031047